Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Six Months of Solitude

I've been through this internship thing for almost six months now.
Which means for almost six months I've been living outside my comfort zone, living in terra incognita.

Away from home, family and friends.
Away from Alor Setar, Teluk Intan and UTP ( I still consider UTP as a comfort zone eventhough I hate it with a passion. UTP manages to drive me crazy and keeping me sane at the same time).

Its been crazy for the past six months. Hopping from one place to another, barely able to settle down.
Meeting all kind of people, dealing with all kind of personalities.

Doing things I thought I will never do.

But I love every single moment of it.

The same reason why I love travelling too.

They only way to get to know your inner self is by getting out of your comfort zone and venture into new territiories, where you will become anonymous.
Where nobody knows who you really are, nobody really care about you and nobody will fuck with you.

Its only about you and yourself. Nobody else.

When you become an anonymous, you don't have to worry about the consequences or repercussion from your actions regarding to the people you know back home.

So you can really push the limit, push the boundaries without worrying that your actions might affect all the people that you care back home, your family and friends for instance.

I've embraced everything that had been thrown in my way, all these new experiences, I've accept it without prejudice, no matter if it is good or bad.
Sometimes I feel that I have seen, heard and done too much that I'm way out of line.

But that's the reason I went far away from my comfort zone anyway.

To offer my whole self, body and soul, so that the world can swallow me whole, and spit me back out all broken and twisted.
I know I was destined to be broken and twisted. I just dont know how far broken and how badly twisted I'm going to be.

I have changed. A lot.
People change. That's what we do.

But I'm not worried.

Some 'therapy' sessions with family and friends will straighten me out again.

But the 'straight me' will always feel restless and uneasy, as it has to battle with 'twisted me'.

And when the battle become too hot and unbearable, I have the reason to go travel again. So that I can become an anonymous, and the 'twisted me' can reign supreme. I need to find out how sick and twisted is 'twisted me'.

Only then I can get to know my true self.

No comments: