Playboy Melayu Terakhir : Chillax Weekend Session

Hello there.


My name is Dani and you've never heard of me. Unless you're one of the few priviliged girls who had the chance to lost deep into my beastly yet tender gaze of these beautiful brown eyes of mine.


Miss me? You thought I already gone, didn't you?


Dani is still here.

Still alive and kicking.
Still flirting and mingling.


Unlike Shak, who works 6 days a week. How uber-uncool is that?
I might as well be dead rather than living that kind of life.



So, how was your weekend? Bad?

Don't worry. It's not easy to be a playboy. Some people are born with it, some had to work hard.

Me?
I'm a natural born hedonistic womanizer.


I chose a different kind of night out for this week.
No loud, blaring, bass-thumping music. No booty-shaking, breast-heaving girls.


Just some cold brew, mellow reggae tune on the background, and of course the live telecast of the Champions League Final.


While I'm always of the opinion that rugby is the proper game for gentlemen and motorsports is playboys' toys, it's hard just to put football aside and ignore it. A lot of girls nowadays enjoy football, and it can be a good ice breaker.

A lot of eminent footballing figures are proper playboys too. Be it players, managers, even the FA people.

George Best, Pele, SG Eriksson just to name a few.


I always have a soft spot for women who know a lot about football and motor racing. Somehow listening to women saying "overlapping righback" or "24-valve, inline-6, twin-turbo" tickles me at the right spot and making my blood fizzes at the right place.



So remember guys.

You don't have to do wild night out week in week out. You'll grow tired doing the same thing over and over again, won't you?


Sometimes a change of wind is needed. Just enjoy the night with some soothing music and good conversations.

But that doesn't mean you can't end the night in some hedonistic manner.
Of course you can.


Till we meet again.



Happy hunting,
Dani

Six Months of Solitude

I've been through this internship thing for almost six months now.
Which means for almost six months I've been living outside my comfort zone, living in terra incognita.

Away from home, family and friends.
Away from Alor Setar, Teluk Intan and UTP ( I still consider UTP as a comfort zone eventhough I hate it with a passion. UTP manages to drive me crazy and keeping me sane at the same time).


Its been crazy for the past six months. Hopping from one place to another, barely able to settle down.
Meeting all kind of people, dealing with all kind of personalities.


Doing things I thought I will never do.


But I love every single moment of it.


The same reason why I love travelling too.


They only way to get to know your inner self is by getting out of your comfort zone and venture into new territiories, where you will become anonymous.
Where nobody knows who you really are, nobody really care about you and nobody will fuck with you.

Its only about you and yourself. Nobody else.


When you become an anonymous, you don't have to worry about the consequences or repercussion from your actions regarding to the people you know back home.

So you can really push the limit, push the boundaries without worrying that your actions might affect all the people that you care back home, your family and friends for instance.



I've embraced everything that had been thrown in my way, all these new experiences, I've accept it without prejudice, no matter if it is good or bad.
Sometimes I feel that I have seen, heard and done too much that I'm way out of line.


But that's the reason I went far away from my comfort zone anyway.


To offer my whole self, body and soul, so that the world can swallow me whole, and spit me back out all broken and twisted.
I know I was destined to be broken and twisted. I just dont know how far broken and how badly twisted I'm going to be.


I have changed. A lot.
People change. That's what we do.

But I'm not worried.


Some 'therapy' sessions with family and friends will straighten me out again.


But the 'straight me' will always feel restless and uneasy, as it has to battle with 'twisted me'.



And when the battle become too hot and unbearable, I have the reason to go travel again. So that I can become an anonymous, and the 'twisted me' can reign supreme. I need to find out how sick and twisted is 'twisted me'.


Only then I can get to know my true self.

Playboy Melayu Terakhir

Hello there.


My name is Dani you've never met me. Not even the closest friends of Shak have ever heard of me. Only a small number of people know me, and all of them are beautiful girls.


Why only beautiful girls?
Because me, Dani, adalah playboy melayu terakhir.


Gua dilahirkan pada 23 September, di Penang. Berketinggian 175 cm, bertubuh badan athletic, gua telah dirahmati 'Tuhan' dengan rupa paras yang kacak, yang bisa mencairkan hati mana-mana wanita.
Well actually, Dani don't believe in God. Shak selalu kata Tuhan itu ada, tapi gua tetap tidak yakin. Shak itu hopeless, seorang loser. Apa yang dia tahu.


I love fast cars, nice clothes, books (mainly philosophy, politics, and current affairs), smoking, drinking and of course, beautiful women.
I only smoke premium cigarettes (above RM10). Usually Lucky Strike, sometimes Rothmans’ International 100 just to add to the variety, Cuban cigar on weekly basis. Not really a heavy drinker, but I just love the taste of Guinness and red wine.


For those who know Shak, you might be thinking that Dani is actually Shak. But I can assure you that I'm not that sore loser.
I might be typing from the keyboard that Shak type, from the same laptop that Shak has, using the same broadband modem that Shak use, but I am not Shak.

And this is not a roman a clef either.


Dani is real, and alive.

Dani adalah playboy melayu terakhir.

Gua selalunya hanya low-profile. Jarang muncul di mana-mana unless ada gadis cantik yang berbaloi untuk diburu. Gua bolehlah dikatakan seorang hipster. Afterall, semua perempuan yang diburu pun juga terdiri dalam golongan hipster. I’m not a big fan of modern hit music. Gua rasa ianya mindless dan boring tetapi gua terpaksa juga ambil tahu tentang hits-hits terbaru.

Nightclubs don’t really play “Anarchy in the UK” or Joy Division tune, do they? Loser saja yang dengar lagu-lagu macam itu.


So, lu orang mesti tertanya-tanya. Apa yang gua buat di sini? Apa misi dan visi gua?

I’m here to help you guys, to help bringing out the playboy potential in you. Kenapa? Kerana playboy is a dying breed. It’s getting rarer and harder to find one. Sekarang semua lelaki mahu menjadi hamba wanita.

That’s not right.
Life's too boring if you enjoy it with only one girl.


First, kita perlu tahu apa itu playboy. According to Wikipedia (ini Shak yang beritahu, pasal hanya loser saja yang baca Wikipedia), playboy is a hedonist womanizer. Jadi sebelum apa-apa, anda perlu menjadi seorang hedonist dahulu. Anda bukan seorang hedonist? Pergi belajar sendiri macam mana mahu jadi seorang hedonist. Itu gua tak akan ajar. Gua playboy melayu terakhir, bukan hedonist melayu terakhir.


Kita mula dengan basic playboy codes dulu.

1. Do not fall in love.
2. Do not fall in love.
3. Always use protection.
4. It is advisable not to hunt girls which were already taken.
5. Go for variety. Do not stick with just one type of girls.
6. Do not sailang another playboy. Always remember to keep the brotherhood tight.
7. Do not stay too long with one girl. Do not get too comfortable. If it is already ‘veni vidi vici’, move on to next target.
8. Do not think about your reputation, street cred, respect etc.Playboys think about fun and fun only.
9. Always respect the women.

So, there you go. Apa tunggu lagi. There’s a lot of fun waiting for you.

Cukup untuk hari. Next time, gua akan bagi sikit tips-tips untuk mencairkan hati perempuan dan buatkan hasil buruan lu orang terkulai dalam pelukan.Dan gua akan share sikit tentang hasil buruan gua.



Sudah gelap nih. Malam minggu.



A playboy got to do what a playboy got to do.



Happy hunting,
Dani

The Arabization of Islam

Tanjung Aru 1st Beach KK, April 2011

Gua agak baffled bila Tuhan memutuskan untuk menurunkan rasul terakhir-Nya di kalangan orang Arab.

Kerana daripada pemerhatian gua, orang Arab ini antara manusia paling tak bertamadun perangainya kalau nak dibanding dengan kaum-kaum lain.
Bukan gua ada prejudis atau membenci orang-orang Arab ini, tidak. Gua tiada masalah dengan orang Arab.
Ianya hanya pandangan peribadi daripada pemerhatian gua.


Kemudian satu hari gua dapat jawapan yang menjawab persoalan gua daripada seorang ustaz di sebuah ceramah agama.
Katanya Tuhan pilih Arab kerana bahasanya tidak akan berubah daripada zaman wahyu diturunkan sehinggalah ke zaman moden.

Gua bukan tahu pun berbahasa arab tetapi daripada Quran yang gua baca, dan Arab yang gua dengar di TV, bunyinya agak sama. Jadi mungkin betullah apa yang ustaz tu cakap.


Cuma gua agak terkilanlah bila Tuhan tak 'memilih' bahasa yang difahami gua. Gua dilahirkan dalam bani Melayu. Jadi tiap kali gua beribadat cuba mendekatkan diri dengan Tuhan, gua rasa 'jauh', rasa janggal. Tidak natural. Gua tak faham pun apa yang gua buat. Dah jadi macam ritual pula.

Ini yang membawa kepada persoalan gua nih.


Antara benda Arab paling besar dalam hidup seorang Islam adalah Quran itu sendiri. Secara umumnya bani Melayu diajar hanyalah untuk membaca, bukan memahami. Jadi terhasillah produk-produk seperti gua, yang dah khatam lebih dari bilangan jari sebelah tangan tetapi hanya faham sebilangan ayat yang tak lebih dari jari tangan dan kaki anda.


Jadi selalu gua terasa bosan. Banyak kali la juga bila sesi membaca Yasin diadakan di malam Jumaat, gua baca terjemahannya senyap-senyap. Sambil mulut terkumat-kamit badan terhengguk-hengguk kononnya tengah khusyuk berlagu Arab.

Kalau baca dalam bahasa Melayu, setiap huruf tu dapat 10 pahala tak?


Kalau baca terjemahan pun, tidaklah se-Melayu yang disangka. Those Arabs, they take poetry very seriously. Sebab itu Quran diturunkan dalam bahasa berbunga-bunga, kerana dalam budaya Arab, mereka yang pandai berpuisi dipandang tinggi. Puisi boleh menunjukkanstatus seseorang itu sebagai bijak pandai, cendekiawan. Kebolehan Muhammad menyampaikan ajaran dalam bahasa yang indah menaikkan lagi kredibiliti beliau.


Dan bila puisi-puisi ini diterjemahkan ke dalam bahasa Melayu, bila gua baca masih terasa Arab. Gua tak tahulah lu orang rasa macam itu juga atau tidak tapi itulah yg gua rasa.
Tak ada orang nak buat revision dan keluarkan edisi baru ke? Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka yang orang kata tak berapa nak komited dan efisien pun dah keluar berapa edisi dah kamusnya.


Kemudian masuk bab doa, tasbih dan zikir. Gua agak kurang faham dengan obsesi tok-tok imam yang suka melagukan doa dalam bahasa Arab tanpa terjemahan. Lagu bukan main sedap, macam Maher Zain. Orang yang dengar pun seronok, tapi tak faham, tak dapat pengajaran apa-apa, macam lagu Maher Zain juga.

Tahulah tok imam tu dulu belajar dalam bahasa Arab, kat Al-Azhar, kat madrasah-madrasah terkemuka di Pakistan, Afghanistan, Gohed Gostan tapi fikir la sikit yang crowdnya pakcik-pakcik yang buat bendang duduk kat Simpang Kuala. Mana kami nak faham.

Jadi duduk tertunduklah gua sambil menadah tangan mengarapakan apa entah gua pun tak tahu. Sebab itulah fikiran gua selalu meliar ke hal-hal duniawi yang melekakan masa gua cuba berhubung terus dengan Tuhan.



Kemudian masuk bab berpakaian pula.


Gua selalu digula-gulakan yang katanya Islam ini lengkap, merentas budaya, bahasa dan desa.

Tetapi umum tahu yang pakaian yang dikaitkan dengan mereka yang kuat pegangan Islamnya adalah jubah dan serban, paling cikai pun kopiah putih.

Gua tiada apa-apa masalah dengan serban dan jubah, cuma janganlah judge iman seseorang itu dengan cara pakainnya. Orang mungkin kata yang pakaian-pakaian moden ini dipakai oleh orang-orang bukan Islam, tak elok tiru mereka. Tapi kita jangan lupa yang serban dan jubah ini juga dipakai oleh Abu Lahab dan Abu Jahal, pasal mereka orang Arab.

Jadi untuk mengaitkan yang jubah dan serban ini pakaian orang Islam, pada pandangan gua adalah tak masuk akal. Itu pakaian tradisi orang Arab.

Bagi bani Melayu pseudo-moden, pseudo-intelektual macam gua ini, pakaian tradisi gua adalah jeans dan t-shirt. Kenapa pakaian tradisi gua seakan-akan tak diterima dalam majlis-majlis agama di Malaysia ini? Kata Islam ini merentas budaya dan desa.


Setiap kali nak ke majlis agama, pasti berlaku konflik. Parents gua nak suruh pakai baju tradisi orang Arab, gua nak pakai baju tradisi gua. Jadi solusinya selalu tengah-tengah. Gua pakai baju smart casual saja. Sekali dengan songkok, pasal gua tak suka kopiah. Tak sedap pakai.


Entah bila kali terakhir gua nampak jeans di majlis agama pun gua sudah tak ingat.






Entah kenapa lately ini banyak gua nak cakap pasal Islam.
Petanda akhir zaman kot.
Bila orang yang tak berkelayakan duk sibuk berdegar-degar pasal Islam.